His savior
by CrazyisConstructive
Summary: What will happen when the Joker realizes how important Harley is? From beginning to end. This is the story of the Joker and his little Harlequin. Rated M for future lemons.
1. Chapter 1

The joker, the so-called 'Clown Prince of Crime' was going to be a father. For him, this idea was beyond unimaginable. After taking a rather nasty spill in that tub of acid, he thought he was sterile. Doomed to be alive without so much of a progeny to teach. But, that was all saved by that gorgeous, blonde doctor sitting in the room adjacent to his. She was his savior.

Normally, the Joker would not need one, due to his resourcefulness and cunning mind, yet that day changed when a fresh-faced blonde psychiatrist walked into his cell in Arkham Asylum. He remembers the stories he sprouted to her. About his old man only being happy at the circus. In reality, the Joker had killed his father not long after his father had defiled his mother. Lost in his thoughts, he remembered the day he met his little Harlequin.

 _ **Flashback**_.

"I'm Harleen Quinzel, Mr. Joker, your new Doctor."

"Oh, is that so? I wouldn't have guessed." He replied curtly, his eyes rolling slightly. How could a woman of this stature ever truly become a doctor? She looked so fragile, so weak, so... Easily manipulated. Suddenly, a great big grin formed across the Joker's scarred face.

"Nice to meet you, Harleen. Do your friends call you Harley?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Joker, but I don't have many friends..."

"May I call you Harley?" He asked, the grin teasing his stitches to release and cause another drop of blood to leak down his chin.

"No, Mr. Joker... Im afraid that's very unprofessional. You may call me Doctor Quinzel."

The Joker just laughed, the strange, half-amused, half-bored laugh sent tingles down The good doctor's spine. She was utterly taken back. Behind all of the charisma and cockiness was a man who loved a good joke. And boy did she love a man who could make her _laugh._

It was as if she had no control over the situation. The Joker told his story to her, some she gasped at, others she laughed half-heartedly at. He was perfect. Beautiful. Funny... All the things she craved in life. Before she knew it, she had fallen in love with the man everyone said was a raving lunatic. She only saw the funny part of the act.

Then came the day the good doctor snapped. Something so simple... The Joker had fought with Jarvis, admitting to the Joker that he in fact was a pedophile, and the Joker went crazy, throwing punches, smashing his face into the wall, everything he could do to inflict pain on him.

The second the orderly Paul had punched the Joker in the stomach, Harleen had become Harley. She hated seeing her _puddin_ ' get hurt. Later that night, while the Joker was healing from a few broken ribs, (nothing he wouldn't get over) Harley had snuck back into Arkham, in a new costume. This Jester's outfit was far sexier than anyone being naked.

A bomb went off, and the Joker, covering his face, thought it was the bats trying to end him for once. When Harley stepped out of the dust, she helped him to his feet and grinned.

"Well, Mistah J... How do you like your new Harley Quinn!" She twirled for a second before the Joker grabbed her and pinned her to the wall.

"You insane woman... I should take you on this wall right now. But we must go, so I'll settle for this, for now..." His eyes were black and his pupils were fully dilated, sending goosebumps down her arms.

"Settle for what, Mist-"

She was suddenly interrupted by the Joker's lips finding hers forcefully. It wasn't soft, quite the opposite, but to Harley, it felt as if he was trying to consume her. To the Joker, it was the hottest kiss he ever had. Eat your hearts out, stupid prostitutes. This girl was way sexier and smarter than those women.

The sound of the alarm pulled them from their embrace and soon they were running out the doors, all of the guards being incapacitated by Harley and her elegant form. God, what couldn't this woman do?

Harley had hopped in a getaway car and soon they were driving out the gates, his maniacal laughter echoing off of the empty hillside.

 ** _Flashback_** **_over_**.

Now, he was going to have a kid. With that crazy woman, and he owed it all to her.

 ** _End of chapter one. I will post another if this gets enough reviews. I'm new to this, so... Go easy. But I am of course welcome to new ideas!_**


	2. Chapter 2

His savior: Chapter 2

 ** _Sorry this took so long, everything has been crazy. Will try to update sooner._**

The following day the Joker had a little trick up his sleeve. Harley was in another room reading all that crap about 'What to do when you're expecting'. What a croc. Heh. Killer Croc. The Joker laughed loudly at his own pun, his ruby lips stretched so far he could feel the skin crack. Looks like Harley needs to moisturize Daddy a little more...

Daddy.. Hmmm... He liked the sound of that.

"Haaaarrrrllleeeeeeyyy!" He screamed in that voice that made women quiver with fear. Her little footsteps were heard, something the Joker found hilarious. Before she was pregnant, she didn't make a peep. Now, it sounded like a herd of elephants every time she rushed to his side.

"Where. Are. My. Purple. Socks?" He said through gritted teeth. This woman was good for nothing sometimes.

"Puddin'... I'm wearing 'em. Don't ya remember letting me wear them? I was cold and you said I could..." Her eyes fell to the floor and the Joker inhaled deeply before addressing her again. This time in a softer tone.

"I'm sorry, pooh. It must've slipped my mind. Now, why don't you go get me my green pair and we'll call it square. How's that sound, kiddo?"

Harley nodded so fast the Joker swore her head was gonna bounce off. Skipping to the walk in closet, she pulled out a pair of neatly pressed socks. Whenever Harley did laundry, she would always make sure his socks were pressed. It was just something he carried over with him from his gangster days.

As Harley handed him his socks, the Joker pulled her tightly against him, inhaling her sweet vanilla scent. He was instantly rock hard. God, what this woman did to him.

"You're just lucky I have a job to do, otherwise you'd be bent over this table screaming my name." Harley shivered softly, her body pooling heat near her stomach.

"Promises, promises..." Harley chimed in a sing-song voice, her grin becoming nearly infectious.

"Well, I must be leaving you and the little jester... I'll be back for you." The Joker said, pointing at her stomach. You probably look like a sea monkey right now to be honest..." Harley laughed hard, gripping the sides of her stomach.

"Don't listen to him! Your Daddy is certifiably insane. Goodbye, Mistah J!"

"Goodbye, pooh."

The Joker had no idea what awaited him once he got home.


	3. Chapter 3: An Unexpected Surprise

Chapter 3: An unexpected surprise

After the Joker had finished his work, which was actually rather difficult without his little harlequin, he headed home, utterly exhausted. The car ride back with Rocco, was to say lightly, unpleasant. The man had no **_personal_** hygiene whatsoever. With his nose scrunched, The Joker made his way out of the car and turned to him.

"Go home and take a shower. Your smell was ready to peel a couple of onions for me."

As soon as he nodded, The a joker, satisfied with himself, unlocked the door to their very well kept factory/apartment. The first thing the Joker smelled was blood. That tangy iron smell was like a drug to him, he knew it too well. His first reaction was to call Harley's name. He was concerned about her and the baby. Don't get him wrong, he did in fact love to hurt Harley, but at that moment he was completely concerned about the child.

"HARLEY!" He expected for her to come pattering down to his side, but after a few moments she didn't show, and that's what the Joker feared the most. She was probably dead, and their unborn child had never even seen his smiling face.

Stepping around the table, he flicked on the lights, one popped and the other just gleamed there, ready to give out. Not a good sign, but he took whatever light was given to him.

Making his way through the makeshift living room, he couldn't help but notice the dark red pool of smeared blood. Hopefully, it wasn't Harley's. The Tv was blaring and that usually meant that the killer didn't want a sound to be heard. Or whatever the hell he was.

Making his way to their bedroom, he had an anxious feeling, one of absolute despair and guilt for leaving her. How could he have been so stupid? And now Harley and the baby were probably dead. He turned on the light, and what he saw he almost dropped to his knees on the floor...

With relief.

There upon their futon was Larry, one of his henchmen, stabbed multiple times. Thank god it wasn't Harley...

But where was Harley?

After searching the whole factory, and only finding her slippers, he deducted that she did not leave on her own accord, because all of her things were still there. Dialing Pam's number, he waited with anticipation. She answered on the fourth ring.

"This better be fucking good, Joker. It's 4 a-"

The Joker cut her off swiftly, "Is Harley with you, Ivy?"

"No... She hasn't been over here in a week."

That was all the Joker needed to hear. He slammed the phone shut and launched himself against the wall, pounding and punching anything that got in his way.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!" He screamed, knowing someone would hear.

A phone rang in the distance. It was his. And the caller ID showed it was... Harley.

"Harley, baby, you had me so worried."

The voice on the other end of the phone was not Harley... It was someone dark and menacing, the Joker's nemesis. The bat. Fuck.

"Where is Harley?" The Joker asked, not wanting to play games.

"She's here, hog tied to the bed and ready to give birth in about a month. I will not let you bring a child into your world, Joker."

"But Bats, what's the fun in my life, if I cannot have a progeny to be my successor? Now, enough of this. Give me back my wife and child."

"Wait... You're married?"

"Yes, dumbass. I'm not going to impregnate her and not marry her. I have standards, asshole."

"Come and get her then." And with that, he hung up. Leaving the Joker beyond livid.

 _ **Sorry, havent updated in a while... Here's chapter 3. Don't own anything. Forgot to mention that before. Rate and review!**_


	4. Laughter is the Best Medicine

Chapter _4: Laughter is the best medicine (Harley's point of view)_

The moment she saw the bat, she knew she was in trouble. Her pregnant ass could barely move, but she could still handle a gun the way a lady should. Larry was a goner. The doctor in her knew as soon as he punctured the carotid artery, he was done for.

Doing the best she could to be quiet, she hid in Mister J's study. That's where his presence was obvious. His scent clung to everything. Unfortunately, he was not there. He was trying to save up so they could move with his jobs at night. The joker was actually trying to have a normal life. But, of course. The bat had to go ruin it all.

Hearing the door open, she cocked her gun, aiming it at her head. "Miss Quinn. I will not hesitate to kill that abomination in your womb if you do not lower your gun." Harley sniffled, her eyes watery at her growing child not seeing her smiling face.

She lowered the gun, wiping her eyes. "What the hell do you want, b-man? Mistah J ain't here and I'm not in the mood to deal with your brooding self."

"I didn't come for him, I came for you." He said, his chin jutting out rather unattractively.

"Mistah J wouldn't like you touchin me. So's you best keeps your hands off, creep!" She shot back, her smile turning into a frown.

Harley had one thought. 'Where were her babies?'

"BABIES!" She called out, her hyenas did not respond. "What have you done to my babies?! BABIES!" She tried to push past him, but he stopped her by her throat, tightening his grip when she tried to get away.

"They're tied up, I didn't hurt them."

She visibly relaxed, feeling the weight of the day on her. "Mind if I sit, b-man? I am 8 months pregnant, after all."

When she turned her back, her smile once again faded as she fell unconscious. Her small frame caught by the batman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~t

When she came to, a couple hours later, she immediately tried to run, but she was tied to the bed, quite skillfully, she might add. If she didn't know any better, she would've said her puddin tied those ropes.

Batman sat on the phone, Harley strained to hear, but she did, however, hear her Joker's booming voice. Oh, he was so sexy when he was mad... Focus Harl!

"Come and get her then." Was all The Bats said and shut the phone, throwing it across the room.

"Hey! I had to pay for that!" Harley said in protest, a frown now permanently plastered on her face.

"Shut up! I was this close to him! And he outsmarted me again!" Her raised his hand as if to slap her and Harley went shock still, her body curling up to protect the baby.

He dropped his hand to his side, surprised at himself. "I-I'm so-"

"Don't even apologize." She said acidly. "In the end, you're more like him, a criminal, a nothing." She said, smiling, her laughter echoing off of the walls.

"Shut up! SHUT UP!" He said, punching the wall. She finally got to him. Oh, this was going to be fun.

"Come on, bats. Don't be mad because your eyebrows are thicker than your dick!"

Harley howled in laughter, laughing so hard she thought she was going to pee.

Her laughter was silenced by her puddin' walking in, (rather anti-climatically she could add. No explosions, no laughing gas, nothing. What's croc. Heh. Killer croc.)

"What's so funny Harley?" Her asked, grinning. "And Why so serious, bats?"

 ** _Sorry for the wait, wasn't feeling my muse, hope you like this chapter. Don't own anything. No copyright infringement intended. Also, keep in mind I'm trying to write this is a psycho's point of view, whether it is Joker or Harley. I will make random jokes and lead into a different topic than the one started because mentally ill patients are proven to have multiple thought strains at one time. Hence, the voices. Thanks and rate and review!_**


	5. Chapter 5: Cedars of Lebanon

Chapter 5: Cedars of Lebanon (re-vamped)

 ** _It has come to my attention that chapter 5 was super small. Because of this, I am adding objects in. And a few things were not explained at the end of chapter 4. Bear with me. I promise to post more often! Thanks for staying with me this far. ~Beauty_**

After the Joker had waltzed in, time stopped. She was no longer a prisoner, no. Harley was a woman. A woman he happened to love. The style he used was rather anti-climactic. There was no explosions, no death threats, no bombings to the Wayne manor. No, no, no. What The Joker had in mind was far different. Something he never thought he was going to do. He was going to kill the Batman.

Now, we know what you're thinking. How could The Joker and Harley survive without their arch-nemesis? Well, it's simple. They were only going to kill the identity, not the man. Batman's hidden identity was what kept Gotham alive. And if they didn't have their precious Dark Knight to remain inconspicuous, their world would stop revolving. Because that's how dependent Gotham had become on Batman. What a sick joke. They put all of their faith in a man who flew around in a bat consume. Ha! It's almost funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

Rage filtered the Joker's mind and he had 3 things on his mind. **KIll. Mangle. Get Harley out.** His senses flew into overdrive and all he knew was he wanted to _taste_ the blood of the Batman. Coming at him, with only his switchblade, Batman immediately saw what was coming. A joke or punchline was to come, but it never did. And as the Joker seized Batman, giving him a hard punch to the throat and a quick kick to the nether regions, he knew he was in deep this time. Never before had the Joker looked so bent on killing him. It was always a joke to this man, but there was one thing the Joker did not kid around about. His child.

Seizing Batman by the throat, the Joker knocked him unconscious, then cut Harley free with his bloodied switchblade. He then used the ropes to tie Batman up, all the while earning kisses and hugs from his annoying, yet beautiful wife.

"Oh puddin! You were so amazing!" She exclaimed, her mouth not once leaving a piece of his skin. She was glued to him. Ugh.

"Get off me Harley and help me with the Bats!" He shouted, and she instantly let him go, knowing it was only the time to take care of Batman. It was always Batman. When did she ever get time?

They carried his body to the trunk and quickly tossed it in there, leaving no time for escape or a human soul to see.

The drive back was rather silent, and Harley, for once kept her mouth shut. She wanted to thank her puddin, but with that stupid bat in the trunk, there was no time for fun until they got home. Upon returning, Rocco helped Mistah J with Bats and she went to lay down, feeling utterly exhausted. They locked and tied Batman up to a radiator. So if he moved too much, he would be burned. Served the bastard right.

The Joker had never looked more menacing. His smile never more terrifying. And yet, Harley loved it. His smile was what made him, him. Her dream abruptly ended, a smile on her face as she woke up remembering Mistah J rescuing her. Yesterday, Harley spent asleep. For a pregnant woman, that was not unlikely, especially in her predicament.

The Bats had suffered at her puddins' hands. Good. He deserved it. Harley sat up in their bed, wait. Their bed? Yes, it was her bed. The purple and green silk sheets confirmed it. Slowly, she looked around, stopping on her beloved clown, his hands nursing a glass of scotch. He glared at her, and for a second, she thought he was gonna beat her. He rose slowly, setting the glass on the small table next to him.

Approaching her, Harley squeezed her eyes shut. Oh, here it comes, she thought. Instead, she felt his hand cup her chin and pull her in for a soft kiss. She squealed, being surprised by his show of tenderness, and thus allowed him to snake his tongue into her mouth, slowly stroking her tongue with his own. Harley reacted the way any woman would, by throwing her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.

"Easy, dame. You'll spoil the fun." He said, after breaking the kiss, her soft pink lips full and swollen from one of his consuming kisses. He laid a gentle hand against her cheek, and without warning, gave her a small, but firm smack to the face.

"Don't EVER do that to me again, you hear? If you ever put our children's lives in danger again, I'll make sure you can never laugh again." He said, anger seething, all gentleness appeared gone and Harley swallowed sharply, nodding her head.

"Yes sir." She said, holding back tears.

Upon seeing her tears, his gaze turned soft.

"Harley, you know that me hitting you means I love you, right? God, you've got fat, lost your hot body, your face is chubby, but I still love you, dammit."

Harley's sniffling stopped and she looked up at him, her fingers playing with his.

"You... You mean that, Mistah J?"

"With everything that I am." He said, the firmness in his tone, making her squeal with glee.

"God, woman. You're huge!" He said, laughing as she embraced him tightly. Her lips found his and they began groping on each other's bodies. Their kisses hot and passionate causing him to be as stiff as a rock and heat pooling instantly to her core.

"Mistah J... We can't have sex."

"WHAT?!" He yelled, getting angry again,

She cowered instantly, and shook her head.

"Puddin! It's not like that! I want you, I really do, but I can't have sex so close to labor! The baby book says so!"

"I don't care what a baby book says, you're my dame and I'm gonna fuck ya if I want." He said, grabbing her and attempting to rip her pants off.

"Wait! Puddin... I can still do oral!" She shouted, he stopped and this gave her enough time to get on her knees and unbuckle his purple belt. She looked up at him and waited for his approval. He nodded once and she set to work.

 ** _So... I'm going to ask people what they want because right now my muse is off. Also, I need help writing the BJ and then an after the babies are born sex scene. I want some lemons in here soon, so HELP! Please. Pretty please._**


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**Sometimes my writing may be a little off. I have updated chapter 5 because Mizz Joker pointed out some very useful information. Thank you! And I still need help with the lemons scene. So, everything is welcome. Thanks for staying with me this long and I will update within 48 hours. Enjoy!**


	7. Closer to the Edge

Chapter _6: Closer to the Edge_

 _ **Special thanks to AngelFire85 for helping me out with some ideas!**_

 _Well I'm not saying, I'm sorry. One day, maybe we'll make it. No. No. No. No._

Once the Joker nodded, Harley unzipped his pants vigorously, her mouth watering at just the thought of tasting her husband. This was how it was supposed to be, his loving wife, an unending, annoying, yet adorable jester, on her knees in front of him. This was heaven for any man. Even a man like The Joker. For him, this was the perfect moment that couldn't be wasted.

Grasping her hair tightly, his sheathed her mouth in his 9-inch member, hearing an audible gasp from his beloved jester.

"Why Harley, you act like you've never sucked me off before. Do it right or don't do it at all!" He said, a sneer plastered on his red mouth. She nodded and began to bob her head, making small slurping sounds.

He hissed softly, her mouth was so warm and so small, wrapped around his cock just felt like a vice grip. She bit it softly, just the way he liked it, the mix of pain and pleasure was almost too much to bear, he eased her head down all the way, producing a small whimper from his blonde accomplice.

This lasted for about 15 minutes before he felt his balls tingle, the rising sensation made his mouth open slightly. Harley, sensing his pleasure, quickened her pace. Upon doing this, The Joker grabbed her blonde ponytails and pulled her all the way down to the end of his shaft. He came. Hard. Red blotches clouded his vision and he could feel his load travel down her throat. He was brought closer... Closer... Over the edge.

He released her hair once he finished and Harley let him go with a loud 'POP', sending chills down his spine.

"Now, Harley... Did you swallow everything like a good girl?" She nodded and said, "Yes, sir."

"Not a single drop spilled?" Again, she shook her head and he smiled.

"Good girl."

He tucked himself back into his pants, and rose, Harley pouting.

"Why the long face, kid?" He laughed loudly, shaking his head, then pulled her to stand up.

"Mistah J... You didn't give me anything..." Her pout reminded him that of a spoiled child who got everything they ever wanted. His face suddenly turned angry, his fists clenching.

"I let you wolf down my cock, isn't that enough?! God, you women are so needy, I swear!" The Joker continued ranting, his hands thrown up in the air in exasperation.

"Joker, I need this! Joker, I'm pregnant, Joker, have sex with me because I'm a lonely psychiatrist and need your hunk of burning love." This was all said in an annoying girly voice, and every once in a while, he would flick his wrist and pout.

"You know what Mistah J!"

"Yes, I know things Harley! Unlike you who don't even have a brain between that thick skull of yours!" Harley gasped, and threw a punch, hitting him in the jaw with as much force as she could muster.

"Mistah J, I'm-" He yelled, rushing after her, his hands wrapping around her throat, his voice menacing and thick with venom. Harley suddenly gasped and both of them let go of each other, Harley's grasp on his collar released as did his hands from her throat. They stared at each other before looking down simultaneously.

"Is that..." The Joker said, leaving his sentence hanging as Harley nodded her head slowly, the realization of what just happened thick in the air.

Her water had broke.

 _ **Inspiration used was "Closer to the Edge" by 30 Seconds to Mars.**_

 _ **I do not own anything. Sorry if this chapter is a little shorter than others, I had to page break it there, otherwise the entire chapter would have been about 4,000 words. Will update soon! ~Beauty**_


	8. Chapter 7: The Only Exception

Chapter 7: The Only Exception

 _And that was the day I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist._

Harley remained shocked for a good while, her eyes blank and glossed over. The Joker was in no better condition. Neither of them reacted, just the thought of a child being here was rather... Horrendous.

Harley was the first to snap out of her daze. "Joker!" She hissed, shaking his shoulder. "Get the bag now!" He immediately sprung into action, his actions fast and chaotic compared to Harley's slow and precise movements. A contraction hit, causing her to double over in pain, a whimper escaping her lips.

Joker held on to her shoulders, one of the most caring things he ever did for her in their nearly 8 years together. Harley hunched over again, laughing loudly (and I might add, in pain). For a normal person, seeing a woman hunched over, laughing while a psychotic clown held her and her pregnant stomach up might give you a bit of a nightmare. But the Joker, being his self-reliant and strategizing self had already concocted a plan for this very moment, it was just a little... Early.

Setting Harley in the car, he crossed over to the driver's side and set it in gear. He sped to the hospital, where Rocco had already secured a hospital room with a little... Bombing persuasion. Swerving in between cars in the middle of rush hour was not safe. Not in a long shot. But being caught off guard like this was unsettling to say the least and The Joker had to pull through. Not just for Harley, but for the child ready to come out.

The Joker exited on the nearest exit to the hospital and blew through lights, whether they were red, yellow or even green. He didn't care. He was locked on to the hospital like a military sniper. Which was why he didn't see the fast approaching cop car, sirens blaring. Harley looked back, sighing heavily.

"Lose em, puddin. I'm not getting locked up again, especially with a child."

The Joker, already planned an escape route and disappeared under one of his many secret tunnels to escape from batman. He no longer heard sirens and Harley let out a breath that she had been holding, another contraction hit her, this time stronger than ever. "Holy fuck! Mistah J get me to the hospital now!"

They got to the hospital and the Joker immediately got her into a wheel chair. "Quinzel, baby!" He told the receptionist who chewed noisily on her gum and popped it. She typed especially slow with her unnecessarily long nails. "Room 251." She said, chewing loudly.

Harley hissed at her, clenching her fists. "Remind me to cut out that annoying tongue of hers when I'm finished."

They got to the room, the nurse and doctor sat there, waiting for them. Of course, Rocco had them held at gunpoint. "P-please mister Joker... I have a family of my own..." The nurse begged, her accent more prominent when she was scared.

"Deliver my baby safe and healthy and you will live." He said, concerned as Harley wailed in pain. "GET IT OUT OF ME NOW!" She hollered as the doctor and nurse placed her on the bed. They stripped her and Rocco, being a gentleman, averted his eyes. Plus, you did not want to get caught staring at the boss's girl. She was placed in a gown and Rocco took this as a sign to exit the room. He would keep guard until the Joker was ready to attack if anyone came in.

Harley yelled as they sedated her, simmering her yelling to small groans and whimpers.

"Okay, Mrs. Quinn. I need you to push when I say push! Okay, 1, 2, 3, push!"

Harley bellowed as she pushed with all her might, her face turning bright red. The Joker held her hand tightly. "Geez, Mistah J... You think I would be able to handle pain living with you..."

The doctor smiled. "Okay, we're crowning here... And give a big push... Now!"

Harley pushed with everything, yelling as she felt a head clear. She screamed at him, at anyone really.

"We are never having sex again! Ever again! You hear me you no good clown!" Harley screamed again, viciously cussing at everyone in sight.

"Push!" Harley screamed, pushing one last time before feeling an odd sensation as a tiny cry erupted her screaming. Harley gasped, looking at their beloved child.

"It's a boy!" The doctor exclaimed. Patches of blonde hair mixed with blood blotted his precious face and for once, the Joker actually cried. His boy was finally here...

Harley cried loudly, as the Joker cut the umbilical chord. She was then handed the small boy, her heart swelling with joy. The doctor and nurse were set free. After all, he was a man of his word. However, Rocco was not part of that agreement and disposed of them accordingly. The Joker came to the realization that his cold heart could love only his son. This was his only exception...

Everything seemed perfect. For now.

 _Meanwhile..._

 _The batman had begun to wiggle from his rope, a burn every now and again, had the batman wriggling into freedom. The radiator provided a great force of friction. Coupled with heat, the rope was going to be toast. Unless the Joker came home early. Which would be very bad for the bat. The bat finally felt the rope give. He rubbed his wrists, groaning as the blood flowed back into them. He stood up..._

 _Just as soon as the door opened..._

 **I do not own anything except the child. Thanks for reading! I will post again soon. For some reason, I found a slight muse today, making it better for my plot development to gain some much needed enthusiasm. R and R! Thanks! ~Beauty**


	9. Not Another Author's Note!

Author's Note:

Sorry haven't updated in a while, I am currently conversing with a LordAdamant about lemons. Expect a new chapter in about 3-6 days depending on my schedule. We are bringing the lemons you all want! And thanks for staying and reading my crappy writing. It means a whole bunch!


	10. Chapter 8: The Ballad of Mona Lisa

_I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended. I do however own the child. And give a big shout out to_ _ **THE**_ _ **LordAdamant**_ _who wrote the lemon you are about to read._

CHAPTER 8: The Ballad of Mona Lisa

 _"Nothing wrong in having a taste of what you paid for."_

(A few days later)

Of course, the Batman had escaped before they got home; it was just a ploy to get Harley to the hospital safe anyways without him being a distraction. Unfortunately, when they did get home, Roscoe was laid out on the floor, unconscious after dealing with the nurse and nice doctor. It was not Roscoe's fault, but the Joker still called him a 'Twit with no brain inside that thick skull of his'. Harley felt bad; she knew what it felt like to be under his constant emotional abuse. However, so far, with the child there, he kept the cussing and insults to a minimum.

Harley would forever remember the day The Joker cried. Of course, he threatening that if she ever told ruined it. As she was wheeled out the back way of the hospital, she smiled down at the little bundle of joy she held in her arms, she admired his beauty. They had yet come up with a name for him, nothing fit. Not Harvey or Ace, or even The Joker's name before he turned into the Joker, Jack. Nothing seemed right. For days, they poured over the most common names, not finding one that fit the small child. It was until nearly a month later that they finally found the right name for him. Harley remembered fondly about when the Joker came barreling in, screaming; "I've got it!"

To which she replied, "Got what, Mistah J?"

"Why the name of our child Harley! What else?!"

"Well, spit it out, dear." Harley said, as excited as he was.

"Spade. Spade Quinzel." He said triumphantly, his smile so wide he looked like the Cheshire cat.

"It's perfect…" She said softly, caressing the blond hair on his little head.

Harley sat in the back seat with her beloved son. She had signed the papers of her discharge a little over a month ago and he was doing just fine. He was strong and demanding of their time and The Joker had never looked happier. They had decided on that crazy day that their son was to be Spade. A unique name for a unique boy. He had bright blond hair, big blue eyes and a small, yet tall physique for an infant. Overall, he was the spitting image of his mother, but had the cunning of his father. Whenever Harley would talk back or would anger The Joker, their son would always take it out on her, whether biting her nipple harshly when she tried to feed him, or wailing until The Joker held him. He was The Joker's kid, through and through.

Unfortunately, for Harley that meant she was still second on the list of people to spend time with. Nope, make that third. The bat was second now. Joker had barely even spoken with Harley since she gave birth to their son, and Harley was getting more agitated by the second. He would only address the child, never Harley directly. It was if he was angry with her. Well, two can play that game. One night, The Joker came in intoxicated; his breath reeking of his favorite scotch. Harley was asleep on their bed, Spade was nestled comfortably in his crib in the other room. It is funny how everything can change by one small word….

The Joker started slowly kissing Harley's neck, his arms holding himself up so he would not crush her.

"Not now, puddin', I'm sleeping. The kid had me up all night. (It was well past 3 a.m.)

"Harley. Get your ass up and let me see that pretty pink-" He hiccupped softly, swaying on his feet a little. Harley just took this as a moment where she could get some sleep again. Nestling in the covers, she didn't know what was coming.

"I was going to say… Show me that pretty pink pussy between those gorgeous legs of yours."

Harley rubbed her eyes, sighing. "Babe, just come to bed. You need to sleep."

The Joker could not stand being rejected and immediately lashed out at her, his fists pounding her unsuspected face. She screamed and then closed her mouth for fear of waking the baby. He would never go back to sleep after that.

"I said open your fucking legs!" He shouted, obviously not caring if he woke up his child.

Before Harley knew what was coming out of her mouth, she shouted back at him.

"NO!"

Everything went silent and the Joker hissed, his breath sweeping across her face.

"What. Did you just say?"

"Please, puddin', I didn't mean it!"

The Joker grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled her pants down to the edge of her lower butt. He raised his hand and spanked her 5 times. She moaned every time and The Joker could tell she loved it when he spanked her. By the time the fifth spanking had been delivered, Harley was a quivering mess, her panties were soaked with wetness just for him. He then threw her to the ground and began unbuckling his purple belt, and afterwards, stuck a finger near her entrance, sliding it along her slit. She shook with anticipation.

"Always so ready for me, my little jester." He cooed like you would do to that of a small child.

Without warning, he shoved his finger inside, laughing as Harley cries out in mixed pleasure and pain. Finally removing his pants, he grabbed her by the hair, holding her up slightly and aiming his cock between her lips. He releases her hair to grab the sides of her head and orders her, "Open wide! And no teeth!" before plunging his hips forward and roughly fucks her face. Harley gags and starts to drool instantly, but she keeps her tongue moving along the bottom of his still growing cock. He pulls out, giving Harley a scant few seconds to breathe before plunging back in. Finally, he thrusts in fully, causing Harley to choke the massive man-meat in her throat as he blasts his cum directly down her throat. Instinctively, her jaw flexes, lightly biting down on the Joker's cock, but that's enough. He pulls out, cum still shooting and splashing onto her face as the back of his hand swings, knocking her down and leaving an imprint on her face.

"I TOLD YOU, NO TEETH!"

Harley cowers on the ground on her hands and knees as the Joker shouts and raves at her. He trails off, noticing her nice round ass in the air, waiting for him. He grins, his cock already hardening. He grabs her hair, dragging her to the bed and throwing her onto her back. "You're going to pay for that, Harley." He runs the tip of his cock against her soaked panties before physically ripping them off and throwing away the scrap of cloth. He thrusts in without warning or restraint, bruising her with his ferocity, but all the time Harley is moaning and screaming out in pleasure, eventually cumming around his abusive cock. With a wild grin and a sadistic laugh, he reaches down and grabs Harley's neck, squeezing more than playfully, but as he continues to ravage her, she finds herself cumming again, and again.

Suddenly, he pulls out and away, leaving her confused and on the edge of another orgasm. "Flip over." The order is simple, and Harley obeys, getting on her hands and knees as the Joker walks up behind her and rubs her ass, slapping it a couple times. "Can't cum in your cunt. Don't want another kid so fast. So, I'm fucking your ass tonight." She squeaks as he pushes inside, lubricated only by her juices, and starts up a rapid pace. Not quite bruising, his size still hurts her underused asshole, but she's in heaven. Especially when he starts slapping her ass on every other thrust, the impact of flesh causing her to leak a little juice. The Joker's voice is growing hoarse as he pants, pounding and beating his Harley's ass before cumming, shooting a large load inside of her. She moans and has another orgasm at the intense feeling, slumping onto the bed as he pulls out.

"What are you doing? You still have to clean me off, you bitch." She nods tiredly, turning around and sitting up on the edge of the bed. She takes the Joker's cock into her mouth, licking away the juices and taint left on it from the night's deeds. Once he's clean, he fucks her face one last time, cumming rather quickly and into her mouth, allowing her to savor the taste before she swallows. Pulling up his pants, he walks to the door, smiling. "Much better. Now, clean this place up! It's a mess! You could use a shower, too, actually."

Harley nods tiredly from where she is crouched on the bed. Her fingers are below her, catching his cum as it oozes out of her ass, eating every bit she can find, almost cumming just from the taste of her Puddin's pudding.


	11. Chapter 9:Uma Thurman

_No copyright infringement intended, I do not belong any of the characters, save the baby. Everything else belongs to the DC Universe._

 _ **Sorry I posted so late on the last chapter, so to make it up, I have another chapter done already!**_

Chapter 9: Uma Thurman

" _The blood, the blood, the blood of the lamb_ _,_ _It's worth two lions, but here I am!"_

The following morning, Harley made her way down the steps, hissing at the pain in between her legs. It had been nearly two months since she and The Joker had switched warehouses. She still was not used to it. Boy, did the Joker do a number on her. She smiled fondly at the memory, it wasn't often for him to fuck her ass like that, but he probably didn't want another child for quite a while, especially by how needy this one was to him.

Arriving in the kitchen, Harley made her way towards the fridge, pulling out the necessary ingredients for a good breakfast for her darling Clown Prince of Crime. It was her job as a wife to make him breakfast and coffee in bed most of the time, unless she was pregnant or dying, which was not often.

While battering the eggs, she felt a pair of warm hands snake around her waist and she grinned when he kissed her cheek. "You're not supposed to be out of bed, Mistah J… You know that every morning I bring you coffee and breakfast up there. Usually you don't crawl out of bed until noon."

She smiled as he nipped her shoulder, making her squeal slightly. "Well, I had a nice refreshing nap after we had our fun time." He said, grinding his hips against her underwear –covered ass.

"I'm surprised you even remember, you were in such a drunken stupor I thought you were going to wake Spade…" She said nervously, continuing to mix the eggs and beat them repeatedly.

"Now why would I want to wake the one thing that can out-stare me?" He asked, a small smirk playing on his delicious red lips.

"He can already out-stare you?" Harley asked, pouring the eggs into the frying pan, a slight popping noise letting her know that the fire was too high and would eventually lead to her eggs burning. She lowered her fire and turned around, sneaking out of his arms. She smiled at him warmly and then proceeded to lay the bacon down on the pan for baking. When she was sure everything was either cooking or done, she allowed herself a peek at that strange man she called a husband. It was actually funny the way he proposed. Everything was a joke, even a lifetime commitment.

 _ **FLASHBACK:**_

 _Harley looked up at the Joker in astonishment. Was he actually on his knees right now, was he really holding up a very expensive ring? To her of all people? Harley remained unmoving, her shock too great to even say a word. In reality, she was battling what it would mean to be married to The Joker. It scared the crap out of her and naturally, she shied away from anything she did not know. Marriage was one of those things. Unyielding with his proposal, he had sprung it on her like a dying leech to a human. Caught her when she was the most vulnerable. Right after they had made love._

' _Now, don't go all crazy just this second' Harley silently told herself as he began to look impatient. 'Isn't this all you have ever wanted Harley? To marry The Joker and have his babies? Granted, he is asking him to marry you because of a baby, but it still counts, right?' Swallowing the huge lump in her throat, she nodded her head, looking down at him with nothing but adoration._

" _I'll make you the happiest man alive, puddin'!" Harley said with so much conviction he actually thought she meant it, but of course, Harley had remained the annoying, whiny, old Harley he came to love._

 _Little did Harley know that just by the Joker giving her that ring put a giant target on her back by the police. She did not know that one day, when pulling a heist; he stole something he usually did not touch. A diamond ring. Nevertheless, of course, with Harley's luck it just happened to be one of the most coveted rings in the entire world. An old queen of England had passed that ring down family generations, until finally, it ended up with an American relative. The greedy relative had then sold it to the New York museum for over 2 billion dollars. A museum the Joker had just stolen from. It was another month later and Harley still hadn't known where the ring came from until one day she came across the Joker watching the news._

" _The case to find the missing two billion dollar ring just keeps getting colder. The batman assures he will find out what The Joker did with it, but for now, the police are asking as to any information regarding the ring or The Joker's whereabouts."_

 _Harley hissed under her breath as she looked at the picture on the television set, the Joker turned it off quickly, hearing her hiss, but it was too late._

" _Puddin… This ring is going to get us thrown back in Arkham! You need to take it back!"_

" _Take it back!?" He shouted. "You act as if I can just waltz into the damn museum and say 'Hey! I know I stole this, but I'm returning it now so please don't thrown my ass if jail because I have a child on the way.'"_

 _Harley huffed, taking the ring off. "Fine, I'll do it myself…" She said, frowning._

 _She grabbed a small bag and placed the ring inside, then grabbed a note and wrote: "Sorry we took this, we were not aware it was a symbol of history. It is real, I assure you. Have the best of the best appraise it." –Harley and Mistah J P.S. He is super sorry._

 _When Harley was finished, she got in the car, the Joker throwing curse words like no tomorrow out of the abandoned factory windows, and sped off. She rang the doorbell and dropped the package off, watching from a safe distance as the museum curator took the piece of jewelry inside, screaming with glee. Sometimes, it was good to be a good guy._

 _But when she got home, it was another story. The Joker was beyond livid. She knew he would have that reaction, but he didn't need to be THAT upset about it. "Harley! I stole that fair and just for you and you just give it back like it's nothing!"_

 _Harley sighed, feeling the weight of the day on her. "Mistah J… The Batman would be up our asses even more than he is now because of that ring. I can't be thrown in Arkham! Not in my condition, and I refuse to have OUR baby in an insane asylum! That is what laying low meant! NOT stealing some 2 billion dollar ring!"_

 _And for once, The Joker finally agreed with her. It made her tremendously happy that he was finally seeing eye to eye with her._

 _ **FLASHBACK OVER**_

As Harley set The Joker's breakfast on the table for him, she heard a familiar cry from upstairs. Smiling, she climbed the stairs two at a time and reached the door just in time for him to nearly spit up on his favorite toy. "Oh no you don't." She said, putting a towel under his mouth. "Are you hungry now, honey?" She asked, picking her precious angel up in the crook of her arms.

It was when she sat in the rocking chair and pulled out her breast for feeding, him latching on immediately, that she finally noticed the reflection in the window. She screamed The Joker's name and then looked at the door where he was hiding. "You can come out now, asshole. I know you're there." She had no shame in feeding her son in front of Batman; he was the intruder here. The Batman stepped out, wincing as he found Harley in such a compromising position.

"Can you drape a blanket over yourself?" He asked, adverting his eyes from her exposed breast. "No, because this is my house." The Batman sighed heavily as The Joker came in, his eyes locked on Harley. He immediately went to her and kissed her and his head. "Are you both okay?" He asked, gritting his teeth. "Yes, we're fine, baby."

"What do you want, Bats?" He asked, his fists clenching and unclenching. His calm exterior was only agitating Batman even further, just for the simple fact that he looked like a Cobra about to strike.

"I came here to take the baby away from a horrible childhood, but… The looks you give him.. It likes you absolutely adore him."

"That's because we do." Harley said it, as she put away her breast, then proceeded to burp her baby boy. He burped, not once, but three times and Harley smiled, cooing at him and hugging him to her. Batman, upon seeing this felt a twinge of guilt.

"I thought I wanted to take the baby… Now I am not so sure. He looks happy. I don't think I've ever seen a baby look that enthralled by his parents. The Joker took Spade from her and she smiled, sitting down and crossing her legs.

"The thing is, Bats…" Harley began, filing her nails with her leg crossed over her other. "Is that you have no right to this baby. He was conceived of love, at least on my part, and his future brothers and sisters will be too. We may be criminals, but we are decent parents, and not even you can break the bond between us. NOW LEAVE." For once, he followed order and jumped from the window, leaving Harley, The Joker, and Spade alone again. Harley felt empowered. She had stood up for her family, and The Joker had to admit that was probably one of the hottest things she had ever done.


	12. Chapter 10: Batgirl

_**Chapter 10: Batgirl**_

The following months without the bat on their tale was to say the least- boring. The Joker even went as far as blowing up the bats' car. But, to no avail did the Joker or Harley get caught. Several months turned into several years and when the Joker finally thought the old bat had hung up his cape for good, he reappeared, but to only take out villains such as poison ivy and two-face. Maybe it was the lack of excitement, or the constant bickering between the Joker and Spade, but things started to become tense at home. Harley had long since hung up her costume to become the mother she wanted to be. Spade was just turning ten when the Joker hit him for the first time. He remembers it well, the unshed tears in his eyes, Harley screaming and punching him in the face, to which he countered back and knocked her out. Cold.

 _Flashback:_

 _Spade had got his first hit in on the Joker before everything went crazy. Both boys threw punches, The Joker's more affecting than his, but Spade held his own. He was strong, Joker had to admit. He slowly began to admire his child in a different way. The way he admired a work of art before he destroyed it. The final blow from the Joker was made and Spade flew to the floor, gripping his broken, bleeding nose. He growled at the Joker and then crawled to Harley, making sure she was okay. Little did Spade know that Harley was used to this kind of torment. The Joker had beat her to a pulp on a normal basis since she had first been with him. A total of 17 years now_. _The Joker slowly approached the both of them, his smile seeming less like a loving father and more like a vicious, hateful maniac instead. Spade had finally begun to begin who the Joker really was. And he didn't like what he saw one bit._

 _Flashback over._

That was nearly seven years ago and since then, Spade had been trained by the Joker himself. Of course, the Joker didn't teach him everything, but he taught him everything, including how to get rid of the bat. Spade was now Seventeen, his 18th birthday approaching in less than a week. The Joker was going to take him to one of his jobs, and let him help as a gift. This was not a normal job either, they were going to beat down a pillar or two of justice before they could start a big job. With the city distracted, they would be able to pull off a bank heist nicely. The Joker coughed, a loud, nasty cough that only resulted in Harley begging him to stay. He pushed her away, while Spade waited near the door patiently.

A soft knock made Spade slightly nervous. He wasn't expecting anyone and didn't know if his father was either. "That would be the boys." He said nonchalantly and signaled for Spade to open the door. The boys filed in, and Spade took in their features. Apart from him, everyone looked to be around their early forties, late thirties. They did not look like they were in the best shape of their lives either, apart from his father that constantly was pushing his physical limits.

They headed out, Spade in the passenger seat and the boys in the back of the van. They spotted their first target, Barbara Gordon. During one of Spade's nightly walks, he had discovered who Batgirl was. Batman and Batgirl had been conversing and Batman had accidentally let her name slip. Spade had immediately ran home and told his father. One of their mortal enemies, in their true forms.

They sped in front of city hall and caught her before she entered the door, pushing her down the stairs. Spade just watched silently as his father worked. Rather, wickedly, he might add, and then gaped as the Joker pulled out his favorite handgun and point blank shot her in the head. The Joker then left a note on her simply saying, "I'm back."

 _ **Okay, so I'm going to cut this story off in a little while. I apologize for such the long update, but my friend recently died in a car accident. I don't have a muse for this story anymore, and have decided to start a new one. It's called, 'The Goddaughter.' It involves the Joker and an OC. Next chapter will be the last chapter. I do not own anything. All rights go to DC comics.**_


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